Well, hello. It’s been a long while and many major life-challenges in the last few months. This isn’t a post for those details yet. Maybe soon.

Today I just don’t have the energy.

This isn’t necessarily an encouraging, uplifting post … I apologize. I do try so hard to be encouraging.

BUT

I’m struggling.

I’m tired.

I feel like I’m living in a slow-motion foggy dream.

I’m sad. I’m anxious. I’m jumpy.

I have tried to get out of this despair.

I pray. I’m reading 4 different daily devotionals about “Hope”.

But I can’t.

I can’t seem to fix my weary, troubled soul.

I cry for no reason. I can’t remember the last time I actually wanted to do something or go somewhere. I don’t want to see anyone. I want to be left alone.

I absolutely despise this version of myself. I lived most of my adult years with a lot of these depressive feelings …but the last three years have been so incredibly awesome!

Except for this last month.

What’s happening to me?? Stress?? Heaviness of heart from the last few months of major life changes – causing physical and mental exhaustion??

I’m afraid. Very afraid, that I’ll get stuck in this despair and not get back to the energetic, happy person I’ve become the last three years. I miss that person {so so much}.

I’m writing this because there is a part of me that “hopes” I’ll look back on this pain and sadness one day – very soon … and maybe I’ll learn something from it to keep the despair from coming back again.

Maybe you are going through something similar or have gone through similar and would like to share with me??

I try to be strong, hopeful, encouraging…but, I’m human.

I want to be transparent and not hide what I’ve been feeling.

I do so love the Lord and I know He loves me. I’m faithful every day, multiple times a day, in Bible reading, devotions, prayer…yet I’m still so sad.

I have, what I would say are good days, and not every day is a dark day like today. Maybe just writing these feelings down will be a turning point for me??

Here are some devotionals I’ve completed…and I’m reading them again. They do help me as I read them, especially before bedtime. Maybe they’ll be a help to you.

Hope In The Dark:

https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/12289

More Than You Can Handle:

https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/20473

• 

When Joy Escapes Me By Nina Smit:

https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/14016

Even If He Doesn’t:

https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/22014

I also read this verse daily right now.

Praying. Praying.so.much.

Praying that God will restore my soul, that He’ll bring His joy back into my heart…

and into your heart as well my friend, if you are in a struggle for peace, for hope, for joy in your soul.

~ Stef